Hey! Listen!

This is my first "Hey! Listen!". It's where I tell you stuff I think you should know. :D

This one is about pursuing, advancing, or hitting on someone who you know is already in a relationship with a significant other. I have talked to several friends who seem to be on the receiving end of this situation and have thus been able to gather much intel.

Because I better understand the mental process of this from the males' perspective*, the post here will be presented towards them.

*Because I have a p*nis. ._.

First, lets look at the man, who will be called the perpetrator. This is someone who, either caused by events in their past or problems currently, probably has a bit of an unhealthily and skewed view on things. @_@

Now the girl, who we shall call the target. She could be anyone. She could just be some random person spotted at a bar. She could possibly know the perpetrator. She might even be in a relationship with the perpetrator's best friend :o. All we know for sure is that she is in a relationship.

Lets follow perpetrator's thought process shall we. Perhaps we can attempt to advise him about what he's doing wrong.




This it the obvious first* mistake. He probably isn't distracted, at least not enough to not notice a creepy guy approaching his girl, and thus this isn't really your chance at all. For anything. ._.

*Honestly, the first mistake was probably whatever lead to these thoughts. Like not talking to anyone about your problems, stopped taking your meds, or somehow managing to sniff up an entire tin of paint.

But perhaps he is distracted. Maybe he needs to go to the restroom, or he sees a friend and is walking over to talk to them. That would really mean it is your chance, right?

No.

No it doesn't.

Because when you walk up to your object of misplaced affection things are seen differently by each party.

You would merely see this:

A humorous* reference to some popular sitcom that has ended long ago.

*It's not really funny... >_>

However, she sees this:

Someone who must have been waiting for the moment to pounce at her with
a readied Creep Hammer*.

*This is a metaphor for creepy actions brought in force like a hammer to the face. o.o

Avoid this. She is again, obviously, with someone. He just went off to the restroom or to get a drink, or to talk to someone real fast. He is still with her even while not right next to her. >_>

Unfortunately, after the perpetrator realizes this, it can sometimes lead down an even darker path of broken logic and flawed reasoning...




No. You don't need to do that. In fact I am almost one hundred and ten percent certain that doing that would not help you in any way.

Sure, you might think it should. That she, now no longer in a relationship, would obviously fall into your arms. I mean, you did just free her to do so. Right?

No.

That's not the case.

You just killed her significant other.

She will probably frown on the whole ordeal.

Unless of course, she is just one crazy b*tch...* o_o

*In which case things might work out for you both. Or at least make for an interesting story of Crazy Vs Krazy... @_@

Still, lets remember that the perpetrator is a person. He must have some real* reasons for his feelings and their resulting actions.

*At least real to him... :o

The Creep Hammer is also a metaphor for:
"The hammer I used to beat some sense into the creep."

Well I guess that about wraps it up.

Creeps, please be more aware of your creepiness. That is the first step in working towards not being a creep at all. :D

Also, quit going after people you know are in a relationship. Not only does that make you a creep, it also makes you a d*uche, b*tch, d*ck.

Please note that all of the above mentioned
also apply to online interactions.

Often doubly* so.

*Maybe even triply or more so. ._.

Before too many people say anything. I know the guys look a lot like the Cyanide & Happiness guys. But, as I have mentioned before long ago, THEY DON'T OWN THE RIGHTS TO STICK DUDES WITH COLORS. Thank you. :)